She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
