Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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