Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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