They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
