we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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