I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
