ya dads aren't the best wingmen
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
