how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
