oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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