You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
