I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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