We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
