Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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