how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
