Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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