he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
