and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
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She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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