I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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