pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it wasn't lemon gatorade
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
