I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
