then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
PANTIES FOUND
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