Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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