Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
