apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
