just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
