Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
