i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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