she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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