so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
