you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
