you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
