I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
