Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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