dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
