He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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