Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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