Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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