i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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