I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
