think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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