I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
