I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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