Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
