i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
well you can't waste a boner
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
