She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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