Please, let me fuck your mom
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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