i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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