Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
