Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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