Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
