I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
