you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
