you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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