i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
