That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
