It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
