I can't breathe out the right side of my face
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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