Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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