Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
