o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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