can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
