Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
As shirtless as possible
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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