he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You're like the curious george of whores
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
