So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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