sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
