I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize