I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
