Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize