dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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