I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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