none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
