so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
