Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
