tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
