Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
