The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
