Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
