He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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